


Lost and Found

by MossyBallerina



Series: Gemma Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Destroy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-War, post-ME3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 08:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MossyBallerina/pseuds/MossyBallerina
Summary: Set immediately after Mass Effect 3. The Reapers have been destroyed and the galaxy is slowly starting to look towards a hopeful future, now that the devastating war is over. But it isn't right without Shepard. A desperate Garrus is convinced that she's still alive and he will stop at nothing to bring the woman he loves back home safe.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to h34rt1lly for beta-ing for me!

_“All fleets! The Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point.”_

Garrus watched from the lounge as an orange-red pulsated from the Crucible, slowly growing in size and spreading outwards.

"She did it,” he said quietly to himself. Not that he would have expected anything less; if there was one thing that could be said about Gemma Shepard, it was that she got the job done, no matter what. Sovereign and the Geth, the Collector base and now this… she was incredible.

 _Please, Gemma, be okay. Stay alive. For me._  It had killed him to leave her there, right at the final stretch, but he had been in no condition to fight and he knew the best chance for the both of them to make it out alive was for him to retreat and let her go on alone.

But it didn’t mean it had hurt any less to leave her. He just prayed to the spirits, to the asari Goddess, to the human God, to anyone who might be listening, that she would be okay.

_Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you: come back alive. It’d be an awfully empty galaxy without you._

Outside the window, the stars began to shift and blur together and Garrus knew Joker was finally acknowledging Hackett’s orders to fall back, even though it meant leaving the woman they all loved alone on the Citadel, in spirits-know-what kind of condition.

Over the past 3 years, Shepard had become so much more than just their commanding officer, and Garrus knew it was killing Joker almost as much as it was killing him to leave her behind. Shepard had been a strong leader, someone who commanded loyalty and respect the moment she entered a room; she’d been a kind and caring friend to every member of the crew, and to Garrus, she’d been so much more than words could express.

Still was. Not had been. He refused to believe she wouldn’t make it out alive. If there was one thing the past 3 years had taught him, it was that Shepard was incredibly resilient. She’d survived everything that had been thrown at them, she’d even survived death itself. There was no way she wouldn’t find a way out of this, too.

For all he knew, Shepard had made it to the Citadel with no resistance, she’d activated the Crucible, and she was just sitting around waiting for extraction. He could almost picture that trademark smirk of hers, one corner of her mouth twitching upwards as she looked at him.

 _What? Did you honestly believe that would take me down? You should know better by now, Garrus. I’m not going anywhere_.  _It takes more than a few Reapers to kill the great Commander Shepard_.

Well, she probably wouldn’t refer to herself as “the great Commander Shepard”—she was always so modest, but still. She’d survived insurmountable odds before, she’d tell him, why should this time be any different?

He didn’t want to point out to the Gemma in his head that all it had taken to kill her before was one Collector ship.

But even that hadn’t stopped her, he argued back. She’d been  _dead_ , completely gone, medically as dead as you can be, and yet Cerberus had found a way to bring her back. Even if something had happened to her, why  _should_  this time be any different?

Of course, Shepard had made an enemy of Cerberus after she broke ties with them, and that was before they’d wiped out Cerberus’ base of operations entirely. Not to mention that the entire galaxy had poured immeasurable funds into building the Crucible, and there were entire planets that needed to be rebuilt from the destruction of the Reapers. Even if they still had the technology, even if they wanted to, could the galaxy afford to bring Commander Shepard back to life?

Somehow Garrus doubted that they would be willing or able to devote so many funds to bringing back  _one_  woman, even if that one woman was the savior of the galaxy.

Which meant that Gemma had better have made it out safe and okay, because if she hadn’t… Garrus didn’t want to finish that thought.

He groaned and stood up, pacing around the room, wishing his brain wasn’t quite so logical sometimes. He was just thinking about heading to the main battery to work on some calibrations, or maybe seeking out company from his crewmates-- who were also likely worrying about Shepard and could understand his predicament. But before he could make a decision, the ship shuddered and then lurched.

Garrus barely caught himself on the edge of the bar counter as the floor began to tilt sideways. The alarm system started to go off, a shrill siren piercing the air and flashing red lights warning the crew that something was going on.

Working his way across the room, Garrus ran as fast as he could towards the door and out into the hallway, where he spotted Liara.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I… I’m not entirely sure. Clearly we’ve been hit by something. We should get to the bridge.”

Cursing under his breath, Garrus punched the button for the elevator, waiting impatiently for it to open; the few seconds it took felt like an eternity. Liara followed him into the elevator silently, each too absorbed in their own thoughts and worries for conversation.

The second the elevator opened up to the command center, Garrus headed straight for the bridge, ignoring the ominous sparks from exposed wires as the ship lurched again, nearly sending him sprawling.

“Joker!” he yelled as he entered the bridge. “What’s happening?”

“I’m not sure!” Joker yelled back, furiously working at the controls of the ship, his fingers moving between screens faster than Garrus could keep up with. “That beam from the Crucible hit us, and when it did… I don’t know why or how, but it’s fried our systems!”

“EDI?” Garrus asked, hoping the ship’s AI might have more information, but there was silence from the robotic body slumped in the co-pilot’s chair.

Joker shook his head. “It didn’t just fry our systems. EDI’s… gone. I don’t know if she can be fixed or not, but when that beam hit us she just… stopped.”

“I’m sorry,” Garrus said, turning away from EDI to look back at Joker.

Joker shook his head again. “Right now, I need to land this ship. There’s a terrestrial planet not far from here, I can see it in the ship’s radar. I’m aiming for a landing there, but we’re going down, so I suggest you hold on to something. This might be a little bit bumpy.”

Garrus gripped onto the back of the pilot’s seat, watching as the Normandy hurtled through space, out of control. Next to him, Liara braced herself against the co-pilot’s seat, her expression tense and drawn as the planet came into view quickly, a mass of green rising up to meet them at an alarming speed. Garrus gripped the back of the pilot’s seat a little tighter.

Joker managed to pull out of the nosedive at the last second, but the Normandy still hit the ground hard, skidding several meters against the soft Earth before finally coming to a trembling halt. The bridge controls sparked violently, but everything was more or less intact.

“Everyone alright?” Joker asked, somewhat shakily.

Garrus picked himself up off the floor, as his grip hadn’t been quite strong enough to keep himself from toppling over with the initial impact. “Fine. Luckily, turians don’t bruise easily.”

“I am fine as well,” Liara said, offering Garrus a brief, if strained, smile as he offered her a hand to help her up. “Damage report?”

“Not sure yet,” Joker said. “It will take some time to figure out the extent without…” he swallowed. “Without EDI.”

“I am sorry, Joker,” Liara said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I know how much she meant to you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Joker shrugged her off. “We don’t even really know what happened yet, maybe we can have her up and running again soon.” But his words sounded flat, as if Joker himself didn’t really quite believe what he was saying.

“Anyways,” Joker continued. “The scans of the planet are complete. Looks like the average surface temp is about 27C, and it’s got a nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere. Thin, but manageable, at least for the time being. So it should be safe to go outside without worrying about masks or suits.”

“Well, that’s a relief at least,” Garrus said. “Alright, let’s get to work figuring out a full damage report. The sooner we know what’s wrong, the sooner we can fix it.”

 _And the sooner we can go find Shepard_ , he thought to himself.

* * *

Several hours later, the damage report was complete. The ship had sustained minimal hull damage, but the energy beam emitted from the Crucible had fried most of their sensors. FTL was offline, long-range communications were damaged and perhaps most problematic of all: life support was offline. Since the planet they’d landed on had a breathable atmosphere, it wasn’t an immediate problem, but it had to be addressed quickly if they wanted the Normandy to be space-worthy again.

“What do you think it’ll take to get her back up and into the stars again?” Garrus asked Joker.

“A lot,” Joker said. “Probably more than we can do, given our limited resources.”

“So, your suggestion is… what, hope for the best?” Garrus asked. “Abandon ship?”

“No way,” Joker said. “We work on getting long-range communication back up, top priority. We get a message out to the Alliance fleets, they send a ship to transport us out of here and send engineers and resources to get the Normandy back up and running again. I’m not abandoning my baby, not again. Especially not when she’s sustained such little damage, she just needs a bit of help.”

Garrus nodded. “Long-range communications it is, then.” He paused, realizing that while he could fine-tune guns with the best of them, he didn’t know too much about communications systems. “Uh… I don’t suppose you need anything calibrated?”

Liara gave a weak laugh. “I think the equipment I use to keep up with my connections as the Shadow Broker should be useful in getting the communications system online again. Come with me, I can direct you to what needs to be done.”

“Are you sure?” Garrus asked, knowing that using her communication network to repair the Normandy’s systems would likely destroy large parts of it. “I know how much your work means to you, Liara.”

“There’s not much point in it if we’re stranded here, is there?” she responded. “We need to get back to the Citadel as quickly as we can. Shepard’s waiting for us.”

It was the first time any of the crew had dared mention Shepard’s name aloud, and Garrus nodded, suddenly too emotional to say anything. The love of his life was waiting for him, in spirits-knew-what kind of condition, and he had to find her. Nothing else mattered.

“I’ll see what I can do from here,” Joker said. “And we should let the crew know what’s going on.” Over the past few hours, the ship had been a frantic hub of activity as everyone scrambled to try and figure out the extent of the damage, with many panicked crew members wondering how long it would take to get back home.

Joker opened up a channel to send a message throughout the ship. “I know everyone has been concerned about where we are and how soon we can get back home, and, uh… I don’t know. But I can tell you that the planet we’re on is capable of sustaining life. Right now, our top priority should be getting long-range communications back online, that way we can send a message to the Alliance fleet and arrange for transport. We simply don’t have the resources to get the Normandy fully functional again, she’s going to need a little outside help.”

He paused. “But, uh, with everyone working together to repair the long-range communications, we should be able to get it up and working again soon. And while I don’t know where we are, we can’t have gone very far, so with any luck, we’ll be back home in a few days, tops. Uh… Joker out.”

He groaned and buried his head in his hands. “Shepard was always so much better at reassuring the crew. Man, I wish she was here.”

“We’ll get her back, Joker,” Liara said. “I promise.”

“Yeah,” Garrus said quietly. “Shepard’s out there somewhere. I just know it.”

Liara shot him a sympathetic look, and he glanced down. He didn’t want sympathy; sympathy implied that he was someone to pity, because he’d lost the love of his life. He didn’t want sympathy because Shepard was still out there somewhere and he would stop at nothing to find her.

* * *

Garrus wasn’t entirely sure how many hours had passed, but at the end of what felt like a very,  _very_  long day, the long-rage communications were finally back online. He, Tali and Liara had spent the day working on dismantling Liara’s Shadow Broker terminal and using it to piece back together the long-range communications system, while Joker, Ashley and Traynor had worked on the communications from the bridge.

“Liara!” Garrus said, calling her back over to her private terminal. “I think we’ve finally got something!”

Liara shooed Garrus out of the way and tried opening up a long-range channel. “By the Goddess… I think you’re right!” She quickly typed in a message:  _SOS. SOS. This is the SSV Normandy SR-2. We have crashed on an unknown planet and are requesting immediate evacuation. I repeat, this is the SSV Normandy SR-2, requesting immediate assistance and evacuation_   _at the following coordinates_.

“Joker,” Garrus said, opening up a comm terminal to the bridge. “We’ve got a message through!”

“I see it!” Joker exclaimed with a laugh. “Holy shit you guys, we did it.”

“Most of it was Liara,” Garrus acquiesced. “I just did what she told me to.”

“Still, it was a group effort,” she said. “I couldn’t have done it nearly so quickly on my own. Now, we just wait for a response.”

A response came surprisingly quickly, the comm terminal beeping to indicate that someone was trying to connect.

“This is Admiral Hackett,” the voice over the terminal was saying. “Normandy, your message is coming through loud and clear. Do you read me?”

“Yes, we read you!” Liara said, accepting the connection. “Admiral, it is a relief to hear your voice.”

“And it’s a relief to hear you, too,” the Admiral said. “We were worried when you didn’t show up at the rendezvous point and couldn’t be contacted. How bad is the damage to the ship?”

“Not too bad,” Garrus said. “We can’t get her moving again, the engines are completely offline and need some serious repairs, but at least hull damage is minimal. Even with the crash landing on the planet, the ship shouldn’t need too much work, though we lack the necessary resources for any of it. The damage is primarily electronic, with most sensors and communications offline.”

“We can get some people out there to get the Normandy into dry dock, though it might take a few days,” Admiral Hackett said. “Our top engineers are currently tied up with a variety of other problems, but as far as I’m concerned, the Normandy was instrumental in winning this war, and she deserves to be restored to all her glory. Luckily, you’re not far from the Sol system, and I can send a ship to rendezvous with you for transport.”

“Thank you, Admiral, it is greatly appreciated,” Liara said. “How long do you expect it will take?”

“You’re in luck,” Admiral Hackett said. “I have a frigate, the  _SSV Hong Kong_ , out surveying damage done to some of the outlying systems, I can reroute it and have it at the coordinates you provided in just over 6 hours. Given my estimations, it should take around 25 hours to get back to Earth from where you currently are.”

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief. 31 hours until he could reunite with Gemma. He could do this. Tentatively, he cleared his throat, knowing he needed to ask the question, but afraid of the answer. “Admiral… has there been any word from Commander Shepard?”

There was an uncomfortable pause on the other end of the line that made Garrus’ heart lurch painfully. “There hasn’t. The Citadel was largely destroyed when the Crucible was activated,” the Admiral said. “We don’t know what the Commander’s condition was prior to the destruction, but it is reasonable to assume she sustained some injuries before making it to the Citadel. Even without taking that into consideration, it is unlikely she survived the widespread destruction.”

The Admiral paused again. “We are mounting a search operation, but at this point we are not expecting it to be a rescue mission, but rather a recovery. I’m sorry.”

“I… thank you,” Garrus said, too despondent to say anything else. He barely registered as Liara thanked the Admiral again for his help, and confirmed that they would rendezvous with the frigate in approximately 6 hours.

“I’m so sorry, Garrus,” she said as soon as she was done, tears brimming in her own eyes. “I wanted to believe she was alive, too, but I think we all knew the chances were minimal.”

Garrus shook his head. “No. I… I can’t… I can’t accept that she’s dead. This is  _Gemma_  we’re talking about, Liara. If anyone could survive this, she could. What does Hackett know? He hasn’t fought beside her for all these years, he doesn’t know her, he…” he trailed off.  _He doesn’t love her_.

“I know,” Liara said, resting a hand on his arm. “But even Gemma is just human. An amazing human, a remarkably strong woman, but human and fallible nonetheless. This war has been bigger than anything we’ve faced in the past, and perhaps we need to accept that she’s gone and honor her sacrifice.”

Garrus shook his head again. “I can’t. I know that there’s the possibility, but I would know if Gemma was gone. She’s still out there somewhere, Liara. And, if I’m wrong and she’s not… I need to see it with my own eyes. See her… her body. I can’t accept it until then. And if she really did sacrifice her life for all of us, then she deserves the biggest goddamn hero’s funeral this galaxy has ever seen.”

Liara nodded and wiped away her tears. “I can understand that. And I hope, for all of our sakes, that you are right. Gemma has been an amazing asset to this galaxy and more than that, a dear friend and commander to us all. And I know she means even more than that to you.”

Garrus pulled Liara into a hug, the both of them needing the comforts of a friend right now. When he and Gemma had first gotten involved with each other, he had worried about how it might affect things with Liara, as he knew she and the Commander had had a brief fling during their fights against Saren and the Geth.

It had been a relief to him, and he was sure to Gemma as well, that Liara had assured him there were no hard feelings. She and Gemma had both told him that they’d talked things over, and agreed they were better off as friends. Now, more than ever, Garrus was grateful for that and for Liara’s friendship. While everyone aboard the Normandy loved Commander Gemma Shepard as their friend and commander, Liara was the only one who could even come close to understanding what Garrus was going through right now.

“We should pack up any essentials we wish to take with us when the transport arrives,” Liara said, pulling away from the hug.

Garrus nodded. “Thank you, Liara. Your friendship has meant a lot to me, and I know to Gemma as well. Especially Gemma. I’m glad our relationship hasn’t interfered with that.”

Liara smiled slightly. “What happened between Gemma and myself was largely a need for relief from the stress of hunting down Saren and his Geth, helped along by the close bond we had formed as I helped her decipher the Prothean beacons. Our friendship is far more meaningful than any physical bond we may have shared. And you would have to be a fool to not see the way she looks at you.”

Garrus laughed a little at that. “That obvious, huh?”

Liara smirked. “Please, Garrus. I’m pretty sure the entire crew knew you two were in love before you did.”

Garrus smiled, his mandibles twitching in amusement as he shook his head. His relationship with Gemma had started out similarly—a desire to blow off steam, to take their minds off of the suicide mission facing them. But then, at some point, it had become more than that. Garrus had had a few short months with the love of his life, and now he was facing the possibility that she might be gone forever. He refused to accept that.

“Well,” he said eventually. “I suppose  _someone_  had to figure it out, since we took our time with it.”

Liara laughed slightly but didn’t say anything else. “Alright,” she said after a moment. “I should see what’s recoverable from my Shadow Broker data.”

Taking that as his cue to leave, Garrus said goodbye and headed towards Shepard’s cabin.  _Their_  cabin, as she’d told him so many times. He’d started spending time there after they’d decided to become intimate with each other, and before he knew it, he’d essentially moved in and was spending every night there.

Some of the best damn times of his life had been spent on this ship, he’d told Shepard. And large parts of that were spent in this cabin, with her. He just hoped they’d be able to make more memories together.

The elevator opened up to the top floor and Garrus took a step into the cabin, inhaling the smell of lily, citrus and just a  _hint_  of gunpowder. Shepard’s smell. He used to tease her about how no matter what, the smell of gunpowder somehow seemed to follow her.

What he didn’t say, at least not out loud, was that he found it very enticing and arousing. He loved her scent. He always loved the way her hair smelled when she got out of the shower, so fresh and floral and oddly  _feminine_ , and so unlike any Turian women he’d been with. Everything about Gemma fascinated him—she was so  _soft_  and yet so strong and durable.

She lacked the armored plating of Turians, and when Garrus had first encountered humans, he marveled at how they had managed to get so far when their flesh was so soft and supple and easily damaged. They lacked the armored plating of the Turians, they lacked the natural biotic power and durability of the Asari.

And yet… he’d seen Gemma face down enemies twice her size without so much as blinking an eye. He’d seen her wave away fractured bones, cuts and bruises, burns, and even a concussion once. Never once had he seen her waver on the battlefield, or back down from an enemy, or even come close to giving up. He’d seen her headbutt a Krogan as if it were a totally natural thing to do. He’d helped her take down a thresher maw on  _foot_ , armed with nothing more than her sniper rifle and a grenade launcher.

Hell, she’d even  _died_  before, and she’d come back from that with only a few scars-- a little angrier and more determined than ever to win this war.

But through it all she’d never lost her good heart or her moral compass, the quality that made her save a group of hostages, even though he knew how desperately she wanted to take down Balak. He’d seen her gentleness when she drowned her sorrows in whiskey after destroying the Alpha Relay, admitting to Garrus that despite knowing it was the right choice and necessary to stop the Reapers, she hated having the deaths of so many colonists on her hands.

It was the combination of all these qualities, her softness and her hardness, her gentleness and her strength, that had made him fall in love with her. She was truly a remarkable woman. He had to get her back. He wouldn’t rest until she was safe back in his arms, where she belonged.

* * *

Six hours later, and Hackett proved true to his word, as the  _SSV Hong Kong_  made contact with them.

“ _SSV Normandy_ , come in,” a voice crackled over the comms system. “We are approaching the coordinates provided, sending a shuttle for transport. Are any of you injured?”

“This is the pilot of the  _SSV Normandy SR-2_ ,” Joker answered. “We are all fine, the damage to the hull was minimal. We appreciate your assistance,  _Hong Kong_. It’s going to take a little while to get the old girl space-worthy again.”

“Glad to hear no one was injured. The shuttle should make contact soon, ETA 5 minutes.  _Hong Kong_  out.”

The crew of the Normandy exited the ship slowly, all reluctant to leave behind the ship they’d called home for so long, but knowing it was only temporary and necessary. They didn’t have many supplies, just the necessities—Dr. Chakwas had a bag of her most important medical supplies, Liara had an OSD with as much information from her Shadow Broker network that she could salvage.

Garrus, having little possessions of his own, had elected to bring along Shepard’s space hamster. “I couldn’t find a way of transporting her fish,” he said when he caught Tali’s questioning glance. “But Gemma has that Aquarium VI installed, so I hope they’ll be okay, and I couldn’t leave this little guy behind.”

“I’m sure Shepard will appreciate it,” Tali reassured him.

Garrus nodded and attempted a smile, though it fell flat. He’d been trying to focus on the Normandy’s repairs, but now that they were evacuating, he didn’t have anything to take his mind off the fact that it had been a full day since the Crucible had been activated and there was still no word from Gemma.

“Has there been any word from Commander Shepard?” he asked the shuttle pilot as he climbed in, knowing that there likely wouldn’t be, but needing to ask.

The pilot shook his head. “Sorry, sir, but I don’t think so. News about the Commander is a bit above my pay grade, but I think it’d be hard to keep something like that secret, if there had been news.”

“Yeah,” Garrus said, trying not to sound too despondent. “Of course. Thank you, anyway.”

The shuttle pilot just nodded and turned back to his controls. Once everyone was tightly packed into the shuttle, they took off, Garrus looking back down at the Normandy as it faded out of view.

 _I’ll find you, Gemma. Wherever you are, I will find you. I promise_.

* * *

It was approaching hour 25 on the  _SSV Hong Kong_ and Garrus had hardly slept at all. Instead, he was pacing a hole in the floor of the crew deck, where he and the other crew members of the Normandy had graciously been offered space.

“Would you  _stop_  that?” Joker grumbled from the couch he was lying on. “Some of us are trying to get some sleep, you know.”

“Sorry,” Garrus said, pausing briefly. “But how am I supposed to rest without knowing if Gemma is okay or not?”

“Look.” Joker propped himself up on an elbow. “You’re not the only one worried about her, okay? We all are. I get it, you guys are in love, it’s different and I can’t possibly understand, yada yada yada. But she was still my Commander and a damn good friend. That goes for  _everyone_  on this ship. And you pacing around isn’t going to help her anyways.”

Garrus groaned. “I know, but… it’s not that easy.” He returned to his pacing, wishing he had something to take his mind off of things. He’d offered to take a look at the  _SSV Hong Kong_ ’s guns, see if he could calibrate them and improve their efficiency, but they’d politely declined.

“Sir!” An ensign saluted as he walked onto the crew deck. “The captain asked me to inform you that we are approaching the Sol system, ETA to Earth is approximately 5 minutes.”

Garrus immediately perked up. “I need to get to the Citadel.”

The ensign cringed a tiny bit. “Uh… sorry, sir, but I’m afraid access to the Citadel is restricted, due to the widespread destruction. Civilian access is strictly prohibited.”

“Damn it, I’m not a civilian! This isn’t a civilian ship!” Seeing the poor ensign cringe again, Garrus sighed. It wasn’t his fault. “Look. Isn’t there some way I can get to the Citadel? Contact Admiral Hackett if you have to, he knows who I am. I served under Commander Shepard.”

The ensign straightened up and saluted again. “Oh! My apologies, sir, I didn’t recognize you. Turians all look so similar to me….” He cleared his throat. “But yes, there’s a shuttle going from London to the Citadel on a regular basis. The  _SSV Hong Kong_  is scheduled to land in London anyways, so it should be easy enough for you to take a shuttle from there.”

“Thank you,” Garrus said, trying not to sound too annoyed. One more step before he could finally find Gemma, and every second that passed meant an increasing chance he might not find her alive. It wasn’t something he wanted to think about, but it wasn’t the ensign’s fault that things were taking longer than expected.

“We’ll find her,” Ashley said from behind him and Garrus turned to look at her. “Shepard never gave up on us. She never gave up on me, even when I distrusted and hated her for working for Cerberus. She was quick to forgive and take me back in. Any time any of us had a problem we were dealing with, Shepard wouldn’t give up until it was resolved, so none of us are going to give up on her until we find her.”

“I know,” Garrus said. “I just worry about what condition we might find her in.”

Ashley didn’t say anything else, but Garrus felt comforted knowing she was there, knowing that everyone was behind him. Gemma had led the crew of the Normandy through hell and high water, to borrow a human phrase. She’d gotten everyone through the Omega 4 relay and back alive, she’d done the impossible time and again, and her crew was fiercely loyal to her.

It was their turn to repay their Commander for all she’d done for them.

Earth came into view, and Garrus inhaled sharply.  _Soon, Gemma. Just hold on a little longer. For me._

* * *

 

London was still a mess of rubble, with everyone working overtime to clean up and restore basic necessities now that the Reapers were destroyed, but there was a small spaceport set up for essential transports. As soon as the  _SSV Hong Kong_ touched down, Garrus was out the door and headed for the shuttle bay.

“Excuse me!” he called out to the first person he could find. “I need to get to the Citadel. I’m Garrus Vakarian of the  _SSV Normandy SR-2_.”

The woman nodded. “Of course. We have a shuttle ready to go that can take you there shortly. Once you arrive on the Citadel, speak to Captain Maria Hernandez, she’s in charge of the rescue and recovery operation and can direct you to specific areas if there’s someone you’re trying to find.”

“Thank you,” Garrus said, taking off towards the shuttles ahead with James, Ashley and Tali following close behind. Liara had felt she would be more helpful using her information network to find out what had happened on the Citadel, while Cortez and even Javik had promised to help join the search as soon as they could.

“How long will it take to get to the Citadel?” Garrus asked the shuttle pilot.

“About 5 minutes,” the shuttle pilot said. “I can take you to the center of the Citadel, that’s where Captain Hernandez is. She controls the overall rescue and recovery option, but to maximize efficiency we have smaller groups covering different parts of the Citadel. There’s a lot of rubble to sort through.”

“I only briefly heard what happened,” Garrus said. “How was the Citadel destroyed?”

“Not entirely sure,” the pilot said. “When the Crucible was set off it just… crumbled. We’re still trying to sort out all the details. Everything’s a mess. The Citadel destroyed, the corpses of giant Reapers littering the grounds of our major cities, the mass relays not functioning… cleanup is going to take a long time.”

Garrus frowned. “I noticed. We were just a system away, but it took 25 hours to get back here. What happened?”

The pilot shrugged as he went through the pre-flight checks. “Not sure, I’m no scientist. People are still piecing out what it means, but the Crucible really messed things up. ‘Course, can’t complain, it did save all our lives when it destroyed the Reapers, but the galaxy is in a state of disarray right now.”

Garrus was silent as he looked out the window of the shuttle as they took off from Earth. 5 more minutes until he could find Gemma. Just 5 more minutes. Realistically, he knew he wouldn’t just find her sitting there, waiting for him. If that were the case, people would know, there would have been word from her. Which meant that she was either lost somewhere, or badly injured enough that she couldn’t make contact. But 5 minutes until he could start searching for her.

“I didn’t ask,” the pilot said. “You searching for friends or family? Or just a good Samaritan?”

“Family,” Garrus managed to say after a moment. “I’m looking for family.” Tali placed a hand over his in quiet solidarity.

“My sympathies,” the pilot said. As they touched down on the rubble of the Citadel, he looked over his shoulder at Garrus. “I should warn you, it’s… not a pretty sight. A lot of bodies. We’re not really expecting to find anyone alive anymore, it’s mostly just an identification and recovery mission.”

Garrus nodded slowly. “Thank you for the heads up.”

They exited the shuttle to find the Citadel in a worse state than expected. Rubble littered the ground, with smears of blood and grime visible on the rocks. There weren’t any bodies, but Garrus suspected that they had cleared this area for landing and that once upon a time, there had been many.

“Garrus, man,” James started to say.

“Don’t,” Garrus said. “I know Gemma’s alive, I just  _know_. As you humans say, I feel it in my gut. She has to be out here somewhere.”

James didn’t say anything else, but Garrus didn’t miss the look he and Ashley exchanged. He’d been around humans enough to know that it was a look that meant they didn’t really believe him, but had too much sympathy to say otherwise.

“Come on,” Garrus said. “We were told to meet Captain Hernandez.” He could hear voices a short distance ahead and pushed onwards. Just around the corner, a human woman in Alliance uniform was directing a group of people.

"You three, sector 7A. Look for a Turian named Tellenius Merilon, he’s in charge of that sector. The rest of you, you’re assigned to sector 5B. The officer in charge is Sasika T’Kevus. Any questions, ask them. Next!”

“Excuse me, Captain Hernandez?” Garrus asked.

She glanced up briefly from a datapad. “Let’s see… we need volunteers in sector 2B the most right now. Jonah Monroe is in charge of that sector.”

“Actually, I’m looking for a specific person,” Garrus said. “Commander Shepard. Do you know what area she might be in?”

Captain Hernandez looked up for real this time, her expression softening. “Garrus Vakarian. And Tali’Zorah, James Vega and Ashley Williams too, I see. My apologies, I didn’t recognize you at first. We get a lot of people wanting to search for the great Commander Shepard, and other areas need more help, but I’ll make an exception for you. Best we can tell, the Commander’s last known location was somewhere in sector 1C.”

“Thank you,” Garrus said. “How do we get there? And… what’s the situation here?”

“Situation’s pretty rough,” Captain Hernandez said. “As you can tell, gravity and basic life support are still functioning, but that’s about it, and we’re not entirely sure how long it’s going to hold out, either. This place is a mess. As for sector 1C, it’s not far. Follow this corridor to the end, then make a left and head a little further down the path. You’ll see a Krogan in charge of that area, it’s hard to miss.”

Garrus nodded and thanked her again, heading off in the direction the Captain had pointed.

“Oh, and… good luck,” Hernandez said, and Garrus turned back to look at her. “Commander Shepard is the biggest damn hero this galaxy has ever seen, and there are a lot of people rooting for her and hoping she’s out there somewhere. I just wish we could do more.”

“You’re helping a lot by organizing this,” Garrus said. He glanced between the Captain and the path leading towards Shepard. “Forgive my abruptness, but… I should go.” He almost smiled as he said that. Such a Gemma thing to say.

“Of course,” the Captain said. “I won’t keep you.”

Garrus jogged down the corridor, picking his way across rubble, his heart pounding. The volunteers had done a good job of more or less clearing a path through the rubble, but it was narrow and there were many pieces still in the way.  _So close, so close, so close_. The thoughts kept reverberating around his head, getting louder with each step he took.

But with each step he took, his anxiety grew as well. What if he was wrong? What if Gemma  _wasn’t_  alive? What then? Death hadn’t exactly stopped her before, but it had taken two years and an unbelievable amount of resources. Resources that he highly doubted the Alliance could currently fund.

As they approached the area, Garrus could hear a familiar voice shouting orders. “That pile of rubble isn’t going to move itself! What, are you tired? Too bad! Get back to searching!”

“Wrex?” Garrus said as he approached.

“Garrus!” Wrex said, pulling the Turian into a rather aggressive hug. “Good to see you here. Sure took your damn time.”

“The Normandy crashed,” Garrus said. “There were some delays. What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t very well trust these pyjaks to find Shepard now, could I?” he said. “She’s been a friend to the Krogan, so now it’s time for us to return to the favor. I’ve got my best Krogan working on clearing the rubble as quickly as we can, plus some volunteers.”

“What areas have been searched already?” Garrus asked.

“The cleared areas are marked with a white flag,” Wrex said. “Everywhere else still needs to be searched. Searches haven’t turned up much yet, I don’t think this place had many people around when it went  _boom_. But we were told it’s the best guess as to where Shepard ended up.”

“We should split up,” Tali said, speaking up for the first time. Garrus had a feeling that she and the others were being quiet to try and give him space. “We can cover more ground that way.”

Garrus nodded. “Good idea.” He headed off towards the nearest area that hadn’t been searched yet, beginning to move pieces of concrete and metal struts. Now that he was here and could see how grim it was… he almost hoped that he  _wouldn’t_  find Gemma, that she’d gotten off the Citadel somehow and just hadn’t been able to contact anyone.

But for now, this was the best lead, so he was going to dig until he found her.

* * *

After awhile, Garrus became numb to anything else. All there was was the steady rhythm of lifting the pieces of rubble, moving it aside, lifting another piece of debris, moving it aside. Again and again until he could see the floor and was sure nothing was there, and then he moved on to the next pile.

“Garrus.” A voice from behind him startled him and he looked up to see Tali standing there. “We’ve been at this all day, you should take a break to get some food and some rest. Ashley’s already gone back to get some sleep—you should, too.”

“Not until I find her,” Garrus said.

“Garrus…” James walked up next to Tali. “I know we all wanted to believe she might be alive, but look at this place. It’s a mess. And we don’t even know what kind of condition she was in before.”

Garrus shook his head. Deep down, he knew they had a point. When Gemma had ordered him to evacuate during that final stretch, when he had been injured, he knew it might be the last he ever saw of her. At least they’d had a chance to say their goodbyes.

“Chances are, Shepard’s not going anywhere,” James said. “I know it hurts, man, but you have to take care of yourself.”

“I just need to know,” Garrus said. “One way or the other.”

Tali sighed. “I’ll see if I can find some dextro food. At least maybe we can bring it to you.”

She and James left, and Garrus went back to his searches. His arms and back ached, he was sweaty and grimy and he’d even managed to scrape up his hands from all He was starting to despair ever finding her, when something caught his eye. A flickering blue screen, just barely visible, attached to a slim, cracked visor.  _Gemma’s_  visor. Breath catching in his throat, Garrus moved aside a particularly big chunk of concrete… and saw her. Lying half-buried under a pile of rubble, her N7 armor cracked and burned and, in some places, entirely gone. It didn’t look good, but  _he had found her_.

“Gemma!” he shouted, moving away the pieces of debris that covered her and dragging her out. “I need a medical evac,  _now_!”

Tentatively, he cradled her in his arms, hoping he wasn’t too late. “No no no no,” he murmured, gently stroking her cheek. “Please, be okay. For me.”

He tried to remember how to check for signs of life in a human. When he and Gemma had first become more than friends, he’d looked up some basic information about humans and human anatomy, so he could know what to do in case there was ever an emergency.

Grateful beyond words for that knowledge now, he tried to remember the specifics of what to do. It didn’t look like she was breathing, why wasn’t she breathing? How did he check for a pulse on a human?

The vids and articles coming back to him, Garrus gently placed a finger against the side of her neck, careful not to scratch her with his talons. She was already so bloodied and torn up, so damaged, so  _fragile_ -looking and it killed him.

Relief washed over him when he felt a faint pulse under his finger. It was weak and thready, which he knew was bad, but it was there, which he knew was  _good_ . And looking closer, he could make out the faintest rise and fall of her chest. She was  _alive_.

He brushed her cheek with his thumb, trying not to think too much about how bad her injuries looked, or the fact that she was barely breathing, and instead focus on the fact that she was  _alive_  and in his arms.

A medic came rushing over with a moveable table that Garrus recognized as something humans called a stretcher.

“Careful not to move her too much,” the medic instructed. “We don’t know what her injuries might be. On the count of three, help me lift her on to the stretcher, with as little movement as possible, okay?”

Garrus nodded, trying to pay attention to the medic’s words as he knew they were important, but he couldn’t stop the flood of relief he felt. Gemma was alive. She was  _alive_. At the medic’s cue, he helped lift her onto the stretcher, hoping he wasn’t causing her any more pain, but Gemma didn’t even stir. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“The shuttle’s 3 minutes out,” the medic said. “I’ll try and stabilize her the best I can, but my supplies here are limited.”

Garrus nodded again, too many conflicting emotions warring within him for him to be able to speak. Gemma was  _alive_ . But at the same time, her injuries looked… bad. He didn’t know much about human anatomy, but he  _did_  know how tough Gemma was. If anyone could overcome injuries like that, it was her.

The medic bent over her, applying medi-gel profusely, but Garrus knew it would take a lot more than medi-gel to heal her injuries.

“How bad is it?” Garrus asked. “And how long will it take to get her to a hospital? What state are the hospitals on Earth even in, after this war? Will you be able to provide proper treatment? Will she be okay?”

“Sir,” the medic said. “I understand you’re concerned, but I need to focus on my patient right now. We will get her to a hospital as soon as we can, there are still several hospitals on Earth that can provide great care. But for now, please let me work.”

Garrus took a step back, though he refused to take his eyes off of Gemma. He wasn’t sure he was going to ever let her out of his sights again.

“Garrus!” Tali and James had returned, making their way over towards Garrus.

“Is that…” James trailed off, eyes widening when he saw Gemma lying there on the stretcher. “Holy shit. Is she…?”

Garrus nodded slightly. “She’s alive. Though, barely, from what I can tell.”

“Keelah se’lai,” Tali breathed. “Shepard.”

The sound of a shuttle landing cut off any further conversation, and the medic wheeled Gemma over towards it, with James, Tali and Garrus following close behind.

“You can’t all fit in the shuttle,” the medic said. “I know you’re concerned for your friend, but I need you to not crowd my patient. We’re taking her to Sacred Heart Hospital on the outskirts of London. You can meet us there.”

“I’m not leaving,” Garrus said. Something in his expression must have convinced the medic, as he sighed.

“Fine. But only you, and if you don’t let me do my job, I’m tossing you out.”

“Understood,” Garrus said, climbing in behind Gemma.

“We’ll meet you at the hospital,” Tali said.

The medic shut the door of the shuttle and they promptly took off. A team of three medics were crowded around Gemma, talking amongst themselves in technical terms Garrus didn’t understand.

“She’s lost a lot of blood,” one of the medics was saying. “Is the hospital prepared for an emergency transfusion?”

“I radioed ahead,” another medic said. “They should have a team waiting for us.”

“I hope it will be enough,” the first said. “These injuries are bad.”

Garrus sat impatiently, feeling like he was going to go crazy just sitting there and not doing anything. “How long until we get there?” he asked. “And what’s this hospital like? Is it good?”

“Emergency medical transports like these are equipped with better engines,” one of the medics said. “It shouldn’t be longer than about 10 minutes.”

“You can’t make it any faster?” Garrus asked.

The medic pinned him with a withering look. “The entire planet has been devastated by Reaper forces. Hart Memorial is an excellent hospital and what’s more, one of the few left standing. She needs immediate medical care, so we don’t exactly have other options. Now, I need to focus on the patient.”

“Right. Sorry,” Garrus said. The last thing he wanted was to do anything that might jeopardize Gemma’s health, but he just needed to know that she would be okay. She  _had_  to be okay.

* * *

The next 10 minutes were the longest of Garrus’ life, and it seemed like an eternity when they finally touched down outside the hospital in London. The hospital looked a little worn down, but it was still standing and there were several more doctors waiting to greet them with another stretcher, this one with medical equipment already hooked up to it.

They transferred Gemma amidst a flurry of medical talk, which went over Garrus’ head, but he did pick up on the concern in their voices, and his stomach twisted into knots.

“Prep for emergency surgery,” one of the doctors said, speaking through a radio. “Female, early 30s. Puncture wound to the abdomen, burns on the arms and legs, possible internal damage as well. Vital signs are weak.”

They wheeled Gemma into the hospital, Garrus jogging behind to catch up. The machine Gemma was hooked up to offered reassuring beeps in time with her heartbeats, proof that she was still alive, if barely. But halfway down the corridor, and the beeps stopped, a long, eerie drone replacing it.

“Damn it, we’re losing her!” one of the doctors said. “She’s losing too much blood now that we’ve moved her, we need a blood transfusion  _now_.”

“Beginning CPR,” another doctor said.

“What’s going on?” Garrus asked. “What do you mean you’re losing her?”

One of the doctors turned and placed a hand in front of Garrus to stop him as he tried to crane his neck to figure out what was going on. The other doctors kept wheeling Gemma down the hall. “Sir. I know you’re worried, but if you want your friend to live, you need to let us do our jobs. I promise we will do everything in our power to save her, but we can’t do that with you here.”

“But I—” Garrus was cut off.

“You can’t follow us,” the doctor said. “Head out into the waiting room, and I promise we will let you know as soon as she’s through surgery.”

“I… fine.” Garrus turned to leave, looking over his shoulder one last time at Gemma. She had to be okay. He hadn’t come this far just to lose her now.

He wandered out to the waiting room in a daze, plopping down in the nearest chair and burying his head in his hands. Now that he’d found Gemma and knew that it was out of his control, he realized how  _exhausted_  he was.

“Garrus!”

He looked up to find the crew of the Normandy all there—Liara, Tali, James, Cortez, Javik, Ashley, Traynor… even past crew members were there: Miranda, Jacob, Wrex, Zaeed, Grunt, Samara, Jack and Kasumi. Everyone who had had the privilege of serving under Commander Shepard. Garrus wasn’t really the religious type, but he wondered if perhaps Thane and Mordin might be looking down from wherever they’d ended up. Maybe even Legion, too, if there was an afterlife for synthetics like the Geth.

“Good to see you all here,” he said, his mouth twitching into the first genuine smile since leaving Gemma behind.

“Of course we’re all here,” Liara said. “As soon as I heard what happened, I sent out word to everyone. Gemma is very dear to all of us.”

“How is she?” James asked.

“I’m not sure,” Garrus admitted. “She was… pretty bad, when I found her. The doctors here haven’t let me see her yet, she’s undergoing emergency surgery.”

“I’m sorry, Garrus,” Tali said. “This must be so hard on you.”

“Yeah,” he said, not quite sure what else to say. He appreciated having his friends there, it was a comfort being surrounded by people he’d fought alongside, and more than that, people who had fought alongside Gemma and served under her. But even the comforts of friends and comrades couldn’t do much to lessen the dread that had settled in the pit of his stomach.

“I don’t like standing around doing nothing,” Grunt muttered. “Everything here is too… clean. Smells funny. Not enough things to kill.”

“Yes, hospitals are generally where people come to  _avoid_  dying,” Garrus said dryly.

Grunt didn’t say anything in response, he just wandered off, no doubt in search of something he could at least beat up.

“You look tired,” Ashley said. “When was the last time you slept, Garrus?”

“Uh… I’m not sure,” he said. “A couple days ago? But turians aren’t quite as fragile as humans, we can get by with less sleep.”

Ashley crossed her arms and stared him down—no easy feat, given his superior height and size compared to her. “Don’t give me any of that bullshit, Garrus. You look like crap. Do you think Shepard would want you to beat yourself up like this?”

Garrus was a little taken aback at her tone. “I’m hardly beating myself up, I’m just concerned about my girlfriend, who in case you hadn’t noticed, is currently in critical condition and it’s not entirely clear if she’ll survive.”

“And what exactly do you think staying up and not eating will accomplish?” Ashley challenged. “How will that help Shepard?”

“I—” Garrus started to counter, but realized he didn’t have much to counter with. Ashley had a point. “I can’t just stop worrying about her,” he finally said.

“You can worry about her and take care of yourself,” Ashley said.

“Ashley has a point,” Liara cut in. “I could understand before, when it was unknown what Gemma’s condition was and you wanted to find her. But she is in the best care she could possibly receive, and it is out of our hands. The best thing you could do right now is get something to eat and get some sleep.”

Garrus groaned. “Fine. Though, I don’t know if this hospital even  _has_  dextro food. Somehow I doubt it.”

“No excuse,” Tali said, throwing something at him. “Dextro protein bar of some kind. Eat it.”

Garrus sighed and sat down with a weary thud on the closest bench, ripping open the protein bar and biting into it. Now that he was sitting down, he suddenly felt exhausted, with his armor weighing him down and his whole body aching.

He shifted awkwardly on the bench, trying to lie down and get some sleep. He didn’t know much about human medical care, but his general impression was that things like surgery could take a few hours, so it would likely be some time until there was word about Gemma.

He started drifting off to sleep to the sounds of his friends talking amongst themselves, including a pointed comment from Javik about “primitives,” and Liara arguing with him about it. Despite everything, Garrus found himself smiling.

* * *

Garrus woke up some time later to the sound of the automatic doors opening with a subtle  _whoosh_  and he bolted upright. The doctor who had spoken to Garrus earlier emerged, a grim look on her face. The conversations fell silent, everyone gathering around to hear the news.

“How is she?” Garrus asked.

“I’m afraid it’s not good,” the doctor said. “She lost a lot of blood by the time you found her, and even with a transfusion, it may have been too little, too late. She also has 2nd degree burns on her arms and torso, three broken ribs and a bad concussion. There was significant internal bleeding, which we managed to stop, but it’s unclear how much damage was already done.”

“What…” Garrus’ voice cracked. “What does this mean?”

“Well,” the doctor said. “The good news is that’s she’s out of immediate danger, but she’s currently in a medically-induced coma. She needs more medical care than we can provide, we’re working on arranging a transfer to Baringa Memorial in Brisbane, Australia. Even then, there’s a chance she might not ever wake up. Does she have family? I’d suggest notifying them.”

There were so many things Garrus wanted to say to that. He wanted to say,  _She lost her whole family on Mindoir when she was only 16 and spirits, can you imagine how hard that must be? But she never let it define her or hold her back, not even once_.

He wanted to take this doctor by the shoulders and shout, to say,  _As if that weren’t enough, she lost her entire team on Akuze, she saw and endured unspeakable things, but she endured. She has suffered so much in her life, life has been cruel and unfair to her, but through it all she’s stood tall and proud and she has saved the entire galaxy so many times over. No one would be here today without her._

But most of all he just wanted to say that,  _She doesn’t deserve this. She has given her life for the cause once before, and isn’t that enough? Can’t the universe just let her have some happiness and_ peace _, for once in her life? That shouldn’t be too much to ask._

Instead, he just cleared his throat. “I’m her family.”

He felt Tali put a hand on his shoulder and gently correct him. “ _We’re_  her family.”

The doctor looked a bit startled by this declaration and at this odd family that included an oddball mix of mercenaries, soldiers and a world-famous thief; not to mention the aliens—an Asari justicar and an Asari scientist, a Krogan clan leader and a Krogan tank-bred for perfection, a Turian soldier high in the ranks of the Hierarchy, a genius Quarian machinist and even a  _Prothean_ , but she recovered quickly.

“I understand,” she said. “And my condolences. You may see her now, though I must ask that visitors be limited to three or four at a time, so as not to crowd my patient.”

Garrus was on his feet the second the word visitors was uttered. “Where is she?”

“Right this way,” the doctor said, heading down the corridor.

“How do we decide who gets to visit her first?” Jacob asked, and suddenly the group atmosphere grew hostile, everyone staring each other down.

“Draw straws?” Ashley suggested.

“Wrestling contest?” Wrex said simultaneously.

“I think a biotics competition would be most fair,” Liara said.

“Maybe just a race to see who can get there first,” Kasumi said, cloaking at the same time.

“I think mechanical knowledge should be weighted most heavily,” Tali chimed in.

“Alright, enough!” Samara said. “Now is not the time for jest. We should let Garrus visit Shepard first, on his own. I’m sure he would appreciate some time alone with her. We can sort out amongst ourselves who gets to visit next when he returns, but everyone will be able to visit and see how our Commander is doing.”

There was silence and some awkward shuffling of feet that followed, as well as a few murmured “yes’s” and other forms of agreement.

Garrus followed the woman down the hall, his anxiety growing with each step. Every time he closed his eyes, he kept seeing her in the state that she’d been in when he pulled her out of the rubble—bloodied and broken and barely alive.

He knew that she would be in a better condition now, but somehow the thought of her hooked up to monitors and machines keeping her alive seemed almost worse. Gemma was a warrior, and he feared that seeing her in a hospital would make it all seem too real, too serious.

“Right through here,” the doctor said, pausing outside a door. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

Garrus swallowed and opened the door to her room. Gemma lay on the bed, red hair fanned across her pillow, eyes closed. She looked paler than usual, her skin sallow and her cheeks and eyes sunken. Bruises and cuts marked up her entire face. Her arms were wrapped in white bandages, and he imagined that underneath the blanket and hospital gown that covered her body, there were likely more bandages and injuries.

He sat down in the chair next to the bed, drinking in her appearance. A steady beeping reassured him that her heart was beating, and that she was alive, even if she looked so horribly pale and fragile in a way that just seemed  _wrong_. Gemma wasn’t fragile, she was the strongest person he knew.

Gently, he ran his thumb across her cheek. “Come on, Gemma… I know you can pull through this. You saved the galaxy, you can’t leave me alone now. I gave you an order, remember? Don’t tell me you’re up there enjoying drinks without me.”

There was a knock on the door and the doctor entered. “We’ve managed to secure a transport to Baringa Memorial. Transferring her is risky, as her condition isn’t stable, and it could cause further damage. However, she needs additional surgeries that we can’t provide here, the Reapers hit this city too hard. Brisbane took minimal damage, and they can give her the medical care needed.”

Garrus frowned. “What are the risks?”

“I highly recommend transferring,” the doctor said. “If we keep her here, chances of survival are slim. While the transfer does pose some risks, if we can get her to Brisbane safely, her chances of survival are much better. But since she is immediately out of danger and currently unable to consent, we cannot transfer her without consent from next of kin. Her file lists you.”

Garrus swallowed at that. He didn’t know that Gemma had listed him as next of kin, with the power to make medical decisions for her if she were unable. He wondered when she had done that. Realizing the doctor was still waiting for an answer, he nodded. “Go ahead with the transfer. Do whatever you can to save her.”

The doctor nodded, and turned to leave, but paused at the door. “Commander Shepard is the only reason any of us are still alive; we all owe her a great debt. I promise you we are all doing whatever we can to repay that.”

Garrus didn’t say anything, for fear of his subvocals betraying how emotional and close to tears he was. Instead, he just acknowledged the doctor with a nod of his head and turned back to Gemma. He didn’t say anything else, just sat there memorizing all the curves and angles of her face and body, memorizing the shape of her. Just in case it was his last opportunity to do so.

* * *

A couple hours later, and the medical transport shuttle touched down in Brisbane, Australia. There had been a few shaky moments during the transport, but doctors assured Garrus that Gemma was in good condition, all things considered, and there was a team of doctors waiting to whisk Gemma away to surgery when they landed.

The rest of the Normandy crew had followed close behind, and Garrus felt Liara put a hand on his shoulder. “Get some sleep, Garrus.”

Garrus opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. “Gemma will be in surgery for a couple hours still. Get some food and get some rest. Take a walk, clear your head, do something other than sit around and worry. You need to take care of yourself, for Gemma.”

Garrus sighed. “I suppose you’re right.” He couldn’t do anything while Gemma was in surgery, it was out of his hands, and sitting around worrying about her was driving him sick.

With one last longing glance at the hospital which had Gemma inside, he turned around and started walking through the streets of Brisbane. It was certainly in better condition than London, though signs of the war still were evident in the broken-down houses and cracks in the roads where Reaper lasers had sliced right through.

But there were signs of life, too, people tentatively walking through the streets and stopping to say hello and smile at strangers, parents with children hesitantly leading them through the rubble, friends and loved one reuniting with tearful hugs. There was a sense of hope. They had survived, and they stood ready to face the new day.

Garrus wandered around the streets aimlessly, torn between hope and devastation as he saw people embrace. People of all species, predominantly human of course, but he saw several Asari and even the odd Turian or two. It was a beautiful sight to see, people of all different races and species coming together and greeting each other with hope and love, but… it felt wrong without Gemma.

She was the one who had made all this possible. She’d told him that there was no Shepard without Vakarian, but there was no galaxy without Shepard. More than anyone, she deserved to be here, to walk through the streets and laugh and embrace loved ones, and until she could, Garrus wasn’t so sure he could, either.

In all his aimless wandering he wasn’t really paying attention to where he was going, and soon found himself by the beach. It was mostly empty, only a few people to be seen in the distance, and no one nearby. He walked over to the water’s edge and sat down, looking out across the ocean and at the waves as the tide slowly went out.

It was a brand-new world, but it wasn’t complete without Gemma. It never would be. Sitting there, with the warm afternoon sun on his back and the ocean at his feet, Garrus found himself thinking about his conversation with Gemma at the FOB in London, about retiring somewhere tropical, maybe start a family.

Closing his eyes, he could just picture it. Him and Gemma walking along the beach, hand-in-hand, a little Turian or Human child splashing in the waves, maybe another on Gemma’s hip or on Garrus’ back. No Reapers, no war, just them and their happy, perfect little family. Him and Gemma, alone on the beach, sipping fruity cocktails, and stealing kisses. Making love to the woman he had given his heart and soul to under the moonlight.

But the fantasy all came crashing down as he remembered the sight of Gemma in the hospital bed, machines keeping her alive, bruised and bloodied and bandaged. Barely hanging on by a thread.

Slowly, he grew more and more angry. Why did Gemma have to be clinging to life in a hospital room right now? Hadn’t she done enough for the cause? Didn’t she deserve some peace and quiet? Didn’t she deserve happiness? Hadn’t they  _all_  done enough? Gemma had done by far the most, she was the true hero of the war, but the crew of the Normandy had helped out and sacrificed many things along the way. Was it too much to ask for that in return, he get to retire peacefully with the love of his life?

Spirits, the universe was an unfair place.

Gemma had done so much and come so far, only to be critically injured at the last minute. And yet she’d finished the job anyways, because that was the kind of person she was. She always shied away from the hero mantle; even before this war, she’d always been uncomfortable with praise over how she survived on Akuze, or for becoming the first human Spectre.

And once she became known for stopping Saren and the Geth and saving the Citadel, the praise had only grown. And now with this, defeating the Reapers once and for all and saving the entire galaxy, he knew that people of all races admired and even worshipped her. Garrus knew she would deny the claims that she was a hero—she’d just say she was doing her job, but she deserved every ounce of praise and more.

She deserved to live. To  _thrive_. To live a long life, preferably with him at her side, to have the chance to grow old and see the universe heal and rebuild and grow into new, wonderful things.

Sighing, Garrus stood up and brushed the sand from his legs. It wasn’t over yet, and he refused to give up hope. Gemma was a fighter; you don’t survive moments like the raid on Mindoir or the attack on Akuze if you’re not. She was a fighter, and she would get through this, too. Garrus was sure of it.

If only because he wasn’t sure he could bear the alternative.

He headed back in the direction of the hospital, needing to at least be under the same roof as Gemma, even if he couldn’t see her yet. He needed to be there the second she was out of surgery.

As he walked back through the streets, he kept his gaze down, not wanting to see the happy reunions, or all the people working together to slowly start to rebuild the destroyed parts of the city. He didn’t want to face this new world without Gemma by his side.

The doors to the hospital opened automatically as he approached, and he glanced around the waiting room. Tali and Ashley were asleep on the benches, Samara meditated, James and Cortez were engaged in quiet conversation. Liara was hunched over a datapad, but looked up when she saw him enter.

“Garrus. How are you doing?”

Garrus gave a half-hearted shrug. “You know. Not great. Any word?”

Liara shook her head. “I’ve been reading up on human treatments of injuries like these, however, and I think there’s a good reason to have hope. Once the immediate danger has passed, prognosis is generally good, and we both know how strong Gemma is. And her cybernetic implants should help with healing as well.”

“Let’s hope,” Garrus said, sinking into a nearby chair. Just as he sat down, the door to the patient wing opened, and Gemma’s doctor walked over. Garrus immediately jumped up again. “How is she?”

“She’s stable,” the doctor said. “The surgery was ultimately a success, though there were a few moments when we nearly lost her. She is currently in a coma, and although there is reason to be optimistic, there is a chance she may never wake up. We have done all we can, and the rest is up to her.”

“I… see,” Garrus said. “What are her chances?”

“It’s hard to pinpoint an exact estimate,” the doctor said. “But each day she remains in a coma means there’s less of a chance she’ll wake up. I wouldn’t despair too much, her condition  _is_  stable. But she sustained a lot of damage, most troubling of which is the head injury. Sometimes in cases like this, you can stabilize the patient, but they just never wake up.”

Garrus nodded. “Thank you. Can I see her now?”

“Of course,” the doctor said, and led him back through the doors and down the hallway. Gemma was in a small room at the end of the hall, and the doctor stepped back after opening it, to give him some privacy.

She looked similar to how she did laying in the hospital bed in London, only with even more bandages, somehow. Her vibrant red hair had been partially shaved at the back of her skull, presumably to allow doctors to more easily access the injury, and a thick pad of gauze was taped down in its place. There was a steady thrum of machinery in the room, machines that were keeping her alive.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, gently taking her hand into his. “I should have been there with you. I never should have let you go on alone.”

Suddenly realizing how very, very weary he was, he climbed on to the bed next to Gemma, careful not to disturb her, and soon fell asleep to the sound of her chest rising and falling, and the steady beeps of the heart monitor. Proof that she was alive.

* * *

The next three days seemed to stretch on into eternity. At first, the doctors had told Garrus that he couldn’t sleep there with her, and had to stick to visiting hours, but he’d growled at them and they’d dropped the issue. Whether it was because they were unaccustomed to dealing with angry Turians, or whether they figured saving the galaxy allowed him to bend the rules a little, he wasn’t sure. But either way, he was grateful.

He stayed by Gemma’s side nearly 24/7, only leaving to take care of bodily necessities like food, and to occasionally stretch his legs. The whole crew of the Normandy was always in and out, though Garrus was the only one always there.

Ashley came by and read poetry to Gemma, Liara told her details of the book she was working on with Javik. Wrex came in to talk about his new child with Baraka, every bit the proud father, and to tell Gemma how it was all due to her that the Krogan race could make something of itself again.

Tali would tell Gemma about the progress the Quarians were making on Rannoch, as well as attempt to engage Garrus in conversation, or force him to sit through  _Fleet and Flotilla_ , which he was grateful for. It gave him something to do other than worry and wait.

James popped in at one point to tell Gemma about the monuments the Alliance was building of her and Anderson in London, and if Cortez happened to be there, too, they’d banter a bit, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Gemma’s hospital room was filled with flowers, cards from well-wishers, and a steady stream of visitors. There was certainly no lack of love to be found within the small room, but with each passing day, Garrus grew more and more worried.

It was evening on the 3rd day since Gemma had gotten out of surgery, when Garrus heard a slight shift on the bed next to him. Looking up from the datapad he’d been reading news reports on, he saw it again. A slight shift of her arm, a flutter of her eyelids.

“I think she’s waking up!” Garrus yelled, slamming down on the call button.

A few minutes later, and Gemma’s doctor entered the room, accompanied by two nurses. Garrus couldn’t see what exactly was going on as they crowded around Gemma’s bed, but he could see them checking various charts and talking among themselves.

A moment later, he heard the most beautiful sound in the world: a faint groan, coming from Gemma.

“Vital signs are looking good,” the doctor said. “Take the breathing tube out.”

“Gemma?” Garrus asked, craning his neck to try and see her.

“How are you feeling?” one of the nurses asked once the breathing tube was out.

“Fine,” Gemma croaked, and Garrus practically wanted to cry with relief. She looked over and caught Garrus’ eye, a faint smile playing at her lips, before she looked back at the doctor. “If there’s nothing pressing, I’d like some privacy. I want to rest.”

The doctor nodded, going over her chart once more. “I see no issue with that. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

As soon as the doctor and nurses were gone, Garrus was by Gemma’s bedside, holding her hand in his and just staring into her eyes. “It’s so good to see your eyes open again,” he murmured.

Gemma smiled and leaned back against the pillows. “For awhile there, I didn’t think I’d make it.”

Garrus didn’t want to admit that he’d thought the same thing. “But you did,” he said. “You’re alive.” He leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “Spirits, you have no idea how much I’ve worried about you. How are you feeling? Honestly, not what you told the doctors.”

“Like I was hit by a Reaper beam,” Gemma grimaced.

“What, the great Commander Shepard, waylaid by a simple Reaper laser?” Garrus teased, but a moment later he shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I never should have left you. I should have stayed by your side.”

“No, no,” Gemma said, reaching her free hand up to gently wipe away the tears forming in his eyes. “I told you to go, remember? You were injured. And if you’d stayed with me, you likely would have died. Do you know the one thing that kept me going, that made me pick myself up off the ground and continue to the Reaper transport, even though I could barely move? It wasn’t the thought of saving the galaxy. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to lie down and just die. But I knew that you were out there, safe and alive, and if I wanted you to stay that way, I had to stop the Reapers.  _That_  was what kept me going, Garrus. If I hadn’t known that you were safe, I don’t think I could have done it.”

“Sure you could have,” he said. “You’re Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy many times over.”

Gemma smiled a little, but shook her head. “Even I have my limits. And being hit by a Reaper beam definitely counts as mine. But the one thing stronger than my pain or my desire to stop was my love for you, Garrus.”

“I love you, too,” he said, pressing a kiss to the hand he still held in his.

“I…” Gemma paused, licking her lips. “We  _did_  do it, right? We stopped the Reapers?”

“ _You_ stopped the Reapers,” Garrus gently corrected. “They’re gone. What happened up there?”

“The Illusive Man was there,” Gemma said, her expression darkening. “He wanted to control the Reapers. Thought that he could, that it was the key to survival and growth. He tried to control me, and Anderson. He… he succeeded, for a little while. He made me shoot Anderson.”

“Spirits,” Garrus said. “I’m so sorry, Gemma. I know how much he meant to you.”

Gemma nodded and took a deep breath, wincing slightly and pressing a hand to her ribs.

“Is this too much?” Garrus asked. “I don’t want to press you, you’ve only just woken up. All of this can wait. Or do you need any medical attention?”

Gemma shook her head. “No, no, I’m okay. It’s good to talk about this. The Illusive Man was fully indoctrinated, I tried to talk him out of it, but there was nothing I could do. He made to kill Anderson, so… I shot him.” She smirked slightly. “Can’t say I have much regret over that. Indoctrinated or not, I never trusted him or Cerberus.”

Garrus’ mandibles twitched in amusement. “Awake for all of five minutes and already talking proudly about killing the bad guys. That’s my girl.”

Gemma laughed, then winced again. “Ow. After the Illusive Man was dead, I got the arms of the Citadel open. I… I thought I’d die there. Anderson did. But the Crucible didn’t really work the way we thought it did. Hackett radioed me, told me I had to fix it. I….” she trailed off, shaking her head slightly. “I passed out from the pain and my injuries. When I woke up, I thought I’d died.”

“What do you mean?” Garrus asked.

“There was… this child,” Gemma said, frowning as she stared off into the distance, recalling the events. “The Catalyst. It’s not the Citadel, like we thought. The Catalyst is an ancient AI. It gave me a choice: destroy the Reapers, at the cost of destroying all advanced technology and all synthetics, too. Or control them, the way the Illusive Man wanted, and... die. But also, not die. I don’t know. Become the new Catalyst. Or, it said I could give my life to combine synthetic and organic life.”

“And you chose destroy,” Garrus said.

Gemma looked up at him, a slight smirk on her face and tears in her eyes. “How could I have done anything else? We didn’t wage this war and come this far only to  _not_  destroy the Reapers. I didn’t trust controlling them and merging synthetic and organic… it just didn’t seem right. I had to destroy the Reapers. End this cycle, once and for all, even at the great cost it came with.”

“As far as I’m concerned, you did the right thing,” Garrus said. “I wouldn’t have expected anything else from you. What happened after you chose to destroy them? How… how did the Citadel end up destroyed?”

“I… my memory goes a little fuzzy after that,” Gemma admitted. “There was some kind of… panel. Conduit, maybe. Destroying it would destroy all synthetics. But when I destroyed it, there was an explosion. I got caught in it, and… that’s all I remember.”

“Spirits,” Garrus said again.

“What about you?” Gemma asked. “What happened after we parted? And… how did you find me?”

“As if I’d ever do anything else,” Garrus said, stroking her cheek gently. “As for me… much less exciting. My injuries weren’t too severe, but after treatment, Dr. Chakwas insisted on rest for me and Liara, to make sure we wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the healing process. We waited near the Crucible as long as we could for you, but the order came to fall back, once the Crucible was armed. I’m sorry. I abandoned you, again.”

Gemma shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You did what you had to. As far as you knew, I was dead.  _I_  thought I was dead.”

“Still. It pained me to leave you. Pained us  _all_  to leave you. And I knew, deep down, that you were still alive. If you had died, I’d  _know_ , I’m sure of it. The Normandy was caught by the beam from the Crucible and crashed—don’t worry, she’ll be okay,” he added when he saw her concerned expression.

“We got transport from a passing Alliance shuttle, and I headed immediately to the Citadel. I…” he trailed off, voice breaking as his subvocals trembled.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Gemma murmured. “I’m right here.”

“I know,” Garrus said, picking up her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I searched the rubble for you, for nearly a full day. I was terrified of not finding you, but even more terrified of finding you. The condition you were in when I finally found you…” he broke off again.

“Shh, I’m alright,” Gemma said. “I’m okay. You saved me.”

“I’ll never forget the way you looked, lying there, half dead,” he said. “I was terrified that I was too late.”

“But you weren’t,” Gemma said.

Garrus inhaled deeply. “I wasn’t. But it has been a long, long week.”

“That long?” Gemma said.

“Not quite. Five days, twelve hours and thirty-four minutes.” He paused, smirking. “Not like I’ve been counting.”

“’Course you haven’t,” Gemma laughed. “How many seconds?”

“I’m not quite sure about that part,” Garrus said, laughing as well. He shook his head, laughter dying out as he looked at her. “Spirits, you have no idea how good it is to see you again.”

“You, too,” Gemma said. “I’ve missed you.”

“Can you miss people when you’re unconscious and barely alive?” Garrus asked, trying to keep his tone light.

“Yes,” Gemma said. “Absolutely. And I missed you, so much.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Garrus promised, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. “I’ll be by your side from now on. Always.”

Gemma smiled and raised a hand to cup the back of his neck, then broke off with a hiss of pain.

“Are you alright?” he asked. “Do you need the doctor?”

“I’m okay,” she said, leaning back into the pillows. “I think I just need to rest for a bit.”

“Of course,” Garrus said, standing up leave. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“Wait.” Gemma caught his hand before he could leave. “Stay a little while?”

Garrus smiled. “Of course, if that’s what you want.”

“Always,” Gemma murmured with a sleepy smile. “You promised, remember?”

Garrus laughed. “That’s true. I did.” He climbed on to the bed next to her, gently settling down, careful not to disturb her. Gemma fell asleep quickly, her breathing deep and even, and entirely her own. Not reliant on machines this time.

Garrus fell asleep soon after, arm draped over the love of his life. It was a brand new galaxy, full of light and hope and possibility, and they were going to face it together.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea I couldn't get out of my head after finishing Mass Effect 3. With the extended cut DLC, I loved that glimpse you get of Shepard still alive, under the rubble, and I kept thinking about what might happen next. I knew that Garrus wouldn't rest until he found Shepard again, and I couldn't get this image out of my mind of him being the one to pull her from the rubble. That little image ended up spiraling into this, but I'm quite pleased with the end result.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and please leave a comment to let me know what you thought!


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